As I am sure I mentioned, my parents got divorced when I was super young. A lot my early years were spent with my sister resenting her, her occasionally picking me up from school and half-assed hang outs. You know, when i was in elementary school, my dad went to starbucks every morning, and left me in the car to call my mom to tell her i was on my way to school. She rarely ever picked up, I listened to that damn "Sorry.. But the person you are trying to reach is not available please leave a message for ***-***-**** after the tone" That was how I memorized my moms number. I always thought "Wow she must be sleeping, it's okay" but as i am writing right now, I think she just didn't want to answer lol. I mean it isn't really funny but I started school at the same time every day, i called around the same time... so i don't know.
My dad would drop me off with her, despite me not really wanting to go every time. We'd hang out, she'd buy me McDonalds and we'd sit in her apartment and watch a show for a few hours and then I'd go home. Never really anything crazy. Never anything planne.d. Never anything special. As I got older it became going to the mall, and buying me stuff. Which always felt like some weird way to prove herself. Like she bought me whatever I wanted, it must've been good.
I don't know why I am telling you this. Like it is some sort of pity party. But I just feel hurt. I am 22 this year and still want my mom. I feel like a kid. But I do. I want her to call and text me, do mom stuff with me. Do my hair, or my makeup, or I don't even know. I want it, I do. But unfortunately, I have too much pride, and I am not going to beg my own mom to be my mom. I just wish sometimes she would be the parent, and acknowledge that me and my sister are great, and she's sucky for always missing out on how great we are. no thanks to her. I just feel like we have been doing this my whole life, I am exhausted. We deserve more. You are only across the bridge, just try. It is not impossible.
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