Nothing Matters

 Hello! Welcome to a segment of : Mars Lends A Hand! 

This is a new little segment I am trying out where I will go through the advice column on reddit, or maybe even speak to the people around me and give my 2 cents! I am not at all qualified, nor is it any of my business but..that might make it even better. 

Today's story is : Boyfriend Is Jealous About Events That Happened When We Split Up (:o) 

Here is the story for you to read and get the full context of :

 "My current boyfriend and I were split up briefly for about 3 months, and have recently got back together. The relationship renewal thus far has been fine and pleasant, we spend a lot of time together and forgave things that happened while we weren't dating. Unfortunately, a recurring topic he cannot seem to move past is me sleeping with other men while we were not together, which I was honest with him about. I guess I could've hidden this detail from him but I wanted to be transparent.

He has told me due to this "the relationship feels ruined" even though we have been doing well, and there hasn't been any arguments or issues. For further context, I was not the only one who had intimate relations with others during our breakup, and my boyfriend was the one who dumped me at the time. He is also the one who initiated this second shot at us trying our relationship over.

I guess I'm really just stumped, I love him dearly and I care for him. I just want to help him move past these feelings as I don't want us to breakup again. I believe he's capable of getting past these feelings, and I want to provide him help in any way possible. Any thoughts are appreciated, thank you."

OH WOW! So sorry to hear that queen! 

That is a tough one. I definitely understand and see the value of forgiveness. 3 months is a super long time, and I am happy there was some reconnection for you guys. Unfortunately, I am not surprised that not everything was forgiven. I think it is impossible to really assume that all will be forgiven and everything will be forgotten and it is all rainbow and roses. I mean you went from being together, to broken up and with other people, to back together? You can not help but wonder, and even be a bit frustrated at what happened in that void.

I do think that it is frustrating because you want to move on, and you want to pretend it didn't happen. I mean, what does it matter? you guys are back together! right? wrong! It still happened, and you can not erase that memory, and you can not ask him to pretend it didn't. happen. It will be there. AND he did the same thing too! and you'll never forget that either. I mean, you can say you're over it, and i'll pretend to believe you! My readers will too! We believe her right guys? Maybe you are over it, truly and honestly, but you will not forget it! you are human! and my worry is always that no matter what, in a heated argument, maybe in the distant future, you'll say "WELLLLLLL remember when you......" and then it is revealed that you actually weren't over it at all. 

So what can you do? My advice to you is to have an open and honest conversation with each other. You tell him honestly what happened and he will tell you honestly. Then say how YOU feel - phrase all of it as "I feel or I think" Do not blame, or assume what the other person said or did. Speak only from your point of view, what you did, what effect it had on you.. Listen honestly, do not be so quick to assume, finish the sentences or cut him off. When you have reached the end, you have finally reached a point of response, speak honestly. Acknowledge that you will not be able to erase that from the history of your relationship but you can also decide to let the bad outweigh all the good. 

Your relationship is a book, you can let this moment be one chapter and fill the rest with good, or you can let it be the end! How important is this moment? If you can not be willing to put it to the side, the both of you, i fear it may eventually lead to demise? How willing are the both of you truly to move on.?

see ya! ◡̈

p.s I would personally maybe not be able to continue the relationship but I will leave that up to you LOL!