The Bitch Of Living

Did I miss my calling? Was I meant deep deep down to be a musical theater kid? 

I say that like I wasn't. I was, very much so... the kid who is singing Hamilton in the laundry mat at my dad while he folds clothes. 

I always had a deep love for musicals. I think I can say it all started with my intense love of Grease. I mean I was a kid, maybe as little as elementary school singing to "Hopelessly Devoted to You" and dreaming of one day being as cool as Marty Maraschino  (like the cherry) knowing that deep down I was and always will be Frenchy. 

My sister will tell you it was Sweeney Todd. I think she'd say this because she had to endure all the nights of me practicing "Pirelli's Miracle Elixir" from the top bunk of our bed. This was one I had to learn to love. The songs I was always obsessed with, it was however, the blood I could not get behind. Even now, that is definitely a daytime film. Regardless of how scary, Ms.Lovett and her Worst Pies in London, will always be a terrible obsession of mine. Even now when I sing it, I will always have to get a little bit British with it... I mean, you can not sing it without a tiny accent. I am not even sure how I would do it. 

Then of course, Jersey Boys. My first ever show. I remember my sister asking me, "Aladdin or Jersey Boys" and young me said without hesitation "Jersey Boys" It was my first ever time going to a theater, in NEW YORK of all places and seeing a musical. Watching all the stage changes, hearing all the songs live and just seeing it. feeling it. It was so much fun. I left with an obsession for The Four Seasons and you better believe, I was a mess when the movie came out. Hey! One of the guys who I saw live was in the movie! That is a fun fact for you! 

In the 7th grade, I took part in Broadway SF's children productions. That is actually what I was practicing the Sweeney Todd song for. In true Marysela fashion, the night before I decided that I actually was not cut out for singing in a British accent in front of a ton of kids my age, so i practiced Hopelessly Devoted to You. Luckily, I rarely ever forget the lyrics to a song, so I was basically born ready for it. I went to my audition in a red mario shirt and sang my heart out. I want to believe that my audition is the reason we ended up doing Grease... alongside Annie and Newsies of course. I was even set to sing my own solo and everything. But I missed one of the "mandatory" practices for school and they decided I couldn't anymore. I was devastated and It is a burn i have yet to heal from clearly. 

As I got older, the theater kid never quite left me. I got really into Hamilton (Shout out my 8th grade history teacher) and that obsession is one that just has not left me at all. I have seen it twice live (soon three!) and watched the movie countless times, pirated and not. I have listened to the album probably 1000 times in my life. I still can sing every song on the spot, and am convinced if someone asked I could put on a one woman production. 

Every once in a while, I discover something new. The Last Five Years. Dear Evan Hansen. In the Heights, etc.  Recently, Legally Blonde. Don't even get me started on that. Elle Woods might actually be a dream role, but so is someone from everyone play I enjoy. I have a million dream roles. The MOST recent -  Spring Awakening. I don't know why it took so long!! I feel it may have been because it is a little bit heavy, with some very serious themes. BUT it is just too good. I mean come on Lea Michele AND Jonathan Groff. The Bitch Of Living. EASILY my favorite song in the entire musical. I think i have easily streamed it 10 times a day if not more. Sometimes in a row.  

I am a lyrics girl when it comes to music. Some of us focus on the beat, the rhythm and for me it is the lyrics. The song can SOUND terrible, but if the words are beautiful I do not care.  That might be the root of my love for musicals. The storytelling in the songs. Please tell me your sadness in the form of a catchy tune. I have never understood you more. I am addicted to clever lyricism, foreshadowing in songs, learning new layers of a character through the smallest of lyrics. I will forever be jealous of those who get to be in those roles. singing those songs. 

I don't have the voice to sing in a song, nor can i dance. I am just not cut out for it. That is okay. It will however.. not stop me from singing "Wait for It" at the top of my lungs in my room.  the desire to be reborn as a talented boy in another life, it is sick. All my top desired roles are played by men, sadly. Normalize gender bent musicals for untalented girls. I yearn to play a mediocre Usnavi! I need to be Moritz Stiefel!! I NEED TO BE REBORN AS ANDREW FELDMAN!! 

I am a musical theater freak. I am proud of it! 

- See ya! ◡̈