Cool Schmool

 Hello! 

Today I thought I would start off with an issue of mine. This is a problem I have had since.... possibly birth? OK. Maybe not that young, but the earliest memory is definitely elementary school. 

I was not the most popular girl in school, but what is "popular" when you're in the second grade anyways? I was however, friends with the popular girls, so i must've been doing something right. I would hope so, because I tried really hard. 

One day in the third(?) grade, a former friend of mine had come to school with the most beautiful half up side ponytail, half down hair (which i wouldn't be caught dead in now) and I was obsessed. So, like any little girl, I went home and BEGGED for my hair to be done that same way the next day. 

Except, I didn't beg to my cool older sister, I begged to my single dad. Who throughout all of elementary school perfected two hairstyles. A very, almost military slick back ponytail. and a very slicked back half up half down look. This is in no way a diss to my dad. He taught himself to do it, and he did it every single morning with no help from anyone! A true hero. 

BUT, he had JUST started to master those two looks, when i presented him with the concept of the new one, of course he was reluctant. I informed him, that this new magical look, was basically a combination of the two he already knows really well! So it should be no big deal! He told me he wasn't sure if it would look the way it looked on her because i forgot to mention, HER hair was about shoulder length, and my hair was to my butt. He kept telling it might be a really long... side... ponytail. BUT i was determined to look like my friend. So he did the look! YAY! 

Then I got a glimpse of it, and hated it. I didn't ask him to fix it or take it down because i had already begged so much to have it. So i spent the whole car ride to school, thinking about how i looked nothing like my cool friend. 

This whole story was to basically say, even now at my adult age, i find myself trying to look like my "cool" friend. Then am constantly faced with the fact that i just don't. This doesn't just apply to my clothes or hair, it's the same with hobbies and personalities. 

I want so desperately to be the "cool and mysterious girl with the cool grungy outfits and the hard exterior" 

BUT,  I am not her! I am me! I won't ever be mysterious or quiet, but. I think I can still manage to be cool..  

I think being yourself might actually be the key to being cool? I've yet to try successfully but if it works out, i'll definitely let you know! 

- See ya! ◡̈