Ballad Of A Homeschooled Girl

 Don't let the title mislead you : i have never been homeschooled 

Olivia Rodrigo perfectly sums up what it means to be a completely embarrassing girl. Unfortunately i know she does it perfectly because i am the embarrassing girl.. 

Now in my first blog post, i said my reader has to be okay with my sometimes over dramatic personality. This is going to be one of those cases.. 

I am almost 90% sure i am constantly doing something freakish or embarrassing. I don't know why but for some reason, the last two years i have just become the biggest weirdo to myself! I feel like every interaction i have i am just constantly saying the wrong thing, or not being funny, or am sitting too awkwardly or breathing weird. 

Is this a universal experience??? 

I think i know why this is happening to me. 

Sadly, I care too much about being liked. Now if you read yesterdays blog, you're probably thinking " Wow... Yesterday she cared about being cool... now she cares about being liked... yikes! This girl sure does care." 

YOU'RE RIGHT. I care way too much. That might be a reoccurring theme here. It is really affecting me because i use to love to hang out with new people, or make new friends. NOW, i want to lock myself in my room, be alone and pray that i don't magically make a fool of myself. I have this fear that if i do decide to interact, i will just be weird. So why even put myself in that position?

I want to change this! In the upcoming months, i want to be more authentically me and be me in more social spaces! I will make an effort to text and hang out with more friends! 

Despite how Olivia makes me feel, i do NOT "make it weird or make it worse" at least i hope so.... 

ANYWAYS... have a good one! see ya! ◡̈