II.Shadows

Hello blog! 

i feel like every so often i yearn for writing my blog, and i do it consistently for like 5 days. I want to get better. I do. I want to try. But you know, I just get so consumed by crafting something extremely perfect and exciting to read. I guess i think you have more expectations. I say "you" but who reads these anyways really? Maybe that is the other part of it, like i don't want to write because i am just shouting into this void and no one is even seeing it. 

Anyways, maybe if i was consistent then people would check it out more often. Whatever. Right now I am in my summer school classroom listening to "How soon is now?" by the Smiths. I share this room with 2 other people. I use to complain about sharing my room with 1 other person but at least i could talk to her. Here the 3 of us just sit in silence like freaks. We also have gotten what feels like - absolutely no work done. I know that attendance was going to be super all over the place but truthfully it feels like a waste of time - but i am still relatively new so i don't know who to make that complaint to. I spend 90% of my day in my classroom on my phone yearning for someone to give me any kind of task. My other two coworkers do the same. It is so boring - but hey. I am getting paid. I will not look this gift horse in the mouth. It is just a lot of "i can't do this until I do this but i can't do that until this is done" and they are kind of all things out of my control? I brought some stuff to work on my letter to hailey, so today i will hopefully have something to do. 

OMG! Hailey just got engaged! that is definitely an update for you guys! I am so unbelievably happy for her. You do not understand you guys, she is the kindest most pure of heart girl I know in the entire world. I literally am constantly in awe of her. You don't know how excited i am for this girl. Her FIANCÉ is named Dom (new character reveal) and him I knew before I met Hailey. I just remember everyone telling me he had a white girlfriend and i was always like .... mmm... white... (little did i know i would become absolutely obsessed with this diva!) They match each others vibes in such a crazy way. I have not met a sweeter more compatible couple. and they are going on 5 years. I can not wait for their wedding, I just know i will cry actual puddles of tears. Anyways - the letter will most likely be wedding or love related because ultimately i am a lover girl - so although not my engagement - it shall consume me. 

The Salazar family picnic is coming up. yippee! I am typically very pumped about this but a lot of people are not coming - boo! BUT this will be the first time izán comes to it anddddd hailey and dom! So i am super pumped about that! I am a little nervous to introduce my boyfriend to everyone cause they can be kind of weird sometimes but overall I am excited. I hope I do NOT have to introduce him in spanish. Also my sister is bringing her boyfriend.... YAY!! He is a really kind guy who really matches her energy. I think everyone will absolutely love him. 

I don't really have much more to say. Those are just some tiny updates for you. 

Where Everybody Knows Your Name ( Cheers Theme)

 Here i am : yearning for the familiar. 

It is my first day at my summer school site - right now actually it is 8:49 on my very first day. My first day is only just getting started but I am sitting at my "desk" ( it's a table) and i find myself missing my coworkers! Is that like totally lame? 

I remember when i first started working there, I was so nervous. Not in like a scared way, but more nervous about being somewhere new. I was shy to talk to teachers, ask for help and overall put myself out there. As months passed, I began to really enjoy it. I found friends in the teachers i supported. I found kids who solidified every single day that this is in fact my purpose. I found so much joy! 

May was the end of my second year working there, so let me be very clear this isn't some like ten year long bond with them lol, i know i am writing about it super passionately.  I am just super bad at the weird getting to know people and small talk part of work and friendship ( saying friendship really feels like a stretch i am literally only going to be working here for a month) and at my school, I had already gotten over that weird slump! I know them already! I can walk into a classroom and support any teacher( or just bother them)  because I knowwww them already! 

Here is all weird because I don't know these people!! Who do i bug when. i have a slump in my day? Who is the Caven equivalent?! Who will lend me their keys?!?! I don't know, it is all just so strange and unfamiliar to me.. but i guess everything i know now was unfamiliar to me at some point? As much as a i complain sometimes about work, and dragging my feet to get out of bed i would much rather be there than here. That sounds dramatic, im sure this feeling will pass within a week and i will be back to feeling normal. I might even like it. But for now, I will yearn! 

but i can't help but want to go where everybody knows my name

see ya! ◡̈