anyone who knows me for the most part, knows about my... mom.
My parents have been divorced since i was in the first grade. Honestly, I do not have very memories of my parents being TOGETHER at all. There was definitely the time when we lived together, all of us, but that just feels like a living arrangement in my mind. I don't really have any memories in my head about spending family time together, doing breakfast or hanging out. I am sure we did, but point is i do not remember.
What I do know is, for as long as i have been alive - i have always been my dad's daughter. When we lived together, and my dad would go out, i would cry to my mom about how i just wanted my dad to come back. When my parents finally left each other, it felt obvious to me that I would be with my dad. When i was young i never even questioned it. My mom never felt like a parent to me, just like some lady who bought me McDonalds after school before I saw my dad.
there are so many stories i could tell about the mysterious woman i call "mom"
but today I will tell the most recent one.
On May 9th, I did a volunteer event for Trixie Mattel at the Fox theater, that's the one in Oakland, OBVIOUSLY. It was 11 o'clock when i was about to make my way out, and i see my mom. This is weird because my mom lives in San Francisco, and even weirder thing is I hadn't seen her since January and hadn't texted her (other than one text about the pope) for about 2 months. So imagine my surprise when I am walking out of a place that is like 10 minutes away from my house and see MYYYY mom.
I stopped to talk to her, which thinking about it later, i probably should've let it be but my heart would not let me. Like if i had walked away, I'd be missing pieces of the story.. so, I stopped. She stared at me processing and processing. Then it hit her. Then all the questions came flooding.
"Why didn't you tell me you were here!? What are you doing here?! Alone?! Where is your dad? He couldn't come get you? Why didn't you tellllllllll me? I wish i would have known!"
and whatever, whatever whatever.
You know, it didn't bother me at first but the more time passes the more it feels strange.
She was there with her coworkers - of course. She is confused why I didn't tell her, but if i am correct, she didn't tell me either. I was there alone because that's okay! It's okay to do things alone sometimes, I don't need anyone to have fun! My dad was home. It was around 11 o'clock at night, he had just come from work. He was tired. Unlike her, he fathers and works all day every single day. He can not do everything, all the time. I know to her it is a hard concept to understand because she is always on a break from being mom! sometimes i am not sure she even really started LOL. He didn't come get me, and i am glad he didn't. I didn't tell her because why would I have? She is so out of the loop with what I do , I would have never expected she would even care! I didn't know she was into something like that! I didn't know she'd come all the way to Oakland on a random friday in May! She barely makes it to oakland when we ask!
The weirdest part of all is - my mom has a life without me and my sister. She goes out on Friday nights, with friends. She has a life and does not care about my plans!! She says but she doesn't.
In the end, my mom has always caused this snowball of thoughts in my mind unfortunately. she will forever be a mystery to me.
